Free flow – sex and relationships

 

I’d like to start by sharing about ritual play.

It’s a play that creates lots of freedom while, and also because, it is contained by a given time and set of rules. It enlivens me. I totally love it and it resonates a lot with how I want to stand in life.
 
To keep it short for the purpose of this blog article, I would describe ritual play as a non-verbal game for two or more adults where a container is set in terms of duration and playground (being a square of soft padding on the floor).
You can move, you breathe deeply, you can sound, you can touch.
 
You can pause or stop the game at any time. You are invited to be in the game as authentically as possible, following your desires, embodying what is alive in you. There is no goal and there is just an open end when the timer stops.
 
Anything that arises in the game is welcome. There can be playfulness, softness, silliness, cuddling, wrestling, eroticism, anger, sadness, insecurity.
It can be very dynamic or almost no movement. Moment by moment, you welcome what arises.
There is no certain way it has to look like.
 
After bringing both the wheel of consent* as well as ritual play into my sex life, sex isn’t the same anymore. I started to notice very clearly the difference between acting from conditioning and truly being with what is in the moment.
 
For me, sex is a dance. It is free flowing. It’s an expression of what is inside and what is between two people in that very moment. There is no certain way it should look like.
 
What feels truly good in this moment?
Can I pause when I find myself lost in old patterns?
 
Emotions change, dynamics change, moods change. Sometimes slowly, sometimes suddenly.
 
I can claim. I can melt.
I can hold closely.
I can move away and take some breaths.
I can surrender. I can cry.
I can enjoy pushing and pulling.
I can desire softness and slowness.
 
What is it to welcome whatever is there and to follow the flow?
What does sex look like when the ‘shoulds’ are left out?
 
When I am with myself and with that special other person, I want to leave behind any rigid or frozen image. It is a real challenge for me. And an incredible, interesting adventure.
 
And how about relationships?
Whether we are friends or lovers, the sum of two people is always unique and so our relationship – the play – needs a container that fits for both of us. For me, it’s important to create a safe atmosphere. There is a commitment to be there for each other, to respect each other’s wishes and boundaries. The container is held by love and agreements.
We want to learn how to be with each other. We want to know each other.
 
Within that container, it feels like an art and play to welcome whatever arises. I like to feel in every moment again what is there.
 
As in ritual play, I like to create space for the authentic expression of anything that is your truth or my truth. Playfulness, attraction, anger, feeling distant, sensuality, wanting to move away,…
Checking in every time – how is it for me to be with you right now?
 
Can I let go of a certain fixed image of how this should be and see what’s really here?
Over and over again.
Our relationship will develop, change and shift over time, moment by moment.
 
Can I free flow within the container?
 
And ultimately, when the changes are too big and the container can’t hold it anymore… I like to trust that certain people cross my path for a shorter period of time and some cross my path for a longer time. And all of it is valuable.
 
 
*See my events: Be in Touch & Get in Touch in collaboration with Dirk Hermans
Free flow – sex and relationships
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